I am not a neat person. I'm really not. I have an end table on my side of the bed that is always filled with random shit. Right now it's got 3 large Webkinz (a monkey, a bunny and a parakeet), a pot holder, a fraction of a bottle of cranberry juice, a mostly empty cup of Diet Dr. Pepper from Chick-Fil-A, an empty Nalgene bottle, an empty 1/2 gallon container of Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, a large cup of formerly ice water now just water, and a plate of smoked turkey leg balanced on top of said cup of formerly ice water now just water. Along with various and sundry odds and ends such as a highlighter and eraser and apparently a tube of Spongebob Squarepants toothpaste. And, of course, an Ariel lamp. You know, from The Little Mermaid? The shade of the lamp is a little wobbly, but it has a fairly large open top which balances things surprisingly well. And, right now, there is a large plate with a small piece of yellow cake with chocolate frosting balanced on top.
I've been picking at the turkey leg, since that's the equivilent of my dinner, while searching through romance novels looking for quotes ("Ivory Vagina Expander" *snort*). Well, I sort of wasn't paying attention and the turkey leg bonked into the Ariel lamp, setting off a chain reaction of the plate of cake falling, then hitting the Nalgene bottle, which nearly fell off the table. I saved the cake from toppling off entirely, then, naturally, put it back. Which, for some reason, despite its former stability, seemed to anger the spirit of the lamp and it flung said piece of cake back at me. I barely caught it a second time. However, I am a determined kind of person. The cake was then properly balanced on top of the Ariel lamp once more.
Or, rather, it WAS until I tried to take a picture of said lamp, which angered the spirit of the lamp once more, and the cake then fell , hitting the bottle of cranberry juice (thank god for lids), and the cup from Chick-Fil-A with some Diet Dr. Pepper in it, both of which gracefully dove off the table, somehow landing upright without actually spilling anything. You will be happy to learn that all is now in harmony, merely reassembled in a slightly different position.
Uncle Walter has advised me that some would take this as a sign that cleaning was in order. Me? I know better. I know that I merely have to appease the night-stand gods with additional offerings, just in different flavors. Apparently they are tired of cake, cranberry juice and stale Diet Dr. Pepper. I can't imagine why.
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