To steal yet another idea from Uncle Walter (I can do that, I'm his wife), I decided to give an history lesson, but on something a bit more risque than tissue paper. Have you ever heard phrases that are used sexually, but you just don't know why they came about? Here are some of my favorite "misunderstood" terms.
"Rode Hard and Put Away Wet"
Does this REALLY have to do with sex? Nope. This has to do with horses. When a horse is 
ridden fast and for long periods of time, it must be cared for properly before it's bedded down. You rub it down, removing sweat, to cool it down after a rough ride. In reality, it doesn't signify that the horse is well satisfied, it means that it has been mistreated and needs extra tender loving care. From a sexual standpoint, the finish up is the same, though. When you've ridden your partner hard, do take care to rub them down and clean them off. It's just courtesy.
"Knockin' Boots"
Think this is another cowboy reference? Nope. This one actually is a sexual term, but I bet it's not what you think -- since it has nothing at all to do with your feet. A "boot" is another term for a trunk. And a "trunk" is another term for one's rear end -- in this case the rear end of the person on the receiving end of penetration. So when you're "knockin' boots" you are actually referring to the sound (knocking) that is made when one is having sexual intercourse with rear penetration; ie the slapping of one body against another body's butt. "Junk in the Trunk" is also be related to this (not just big butts, people!), in the sense that a man's genitalia can be referred to as junk -- junk in the trunk then being anal sex.
"Yanking the Crank" or "Crank Yanking"
In modern nomenclature, this refers to a hand job, either given by someone else, or performed on oneself. In reality it has to do with cars. Specifically with the crankshaft, and specifically with the motion of the pistons into the cylinders, pushed in and out by the crankshaft. You can see where I'm going with this, right? But now you can feel free to use this term in mixed company -- just be ready to explain yourself when said company is quite shocked. I have to do that a lot.
"Diddle Your Dipstick"
Another car reference here. A dipstick is a device to measure the amount of oil in a car's 
engine. When checking the oil in your car it is important for your dipstick to be as clean as possible so that you can accurately measure, since the motions and vibrations from the road can splash the oil onto it higher than it actually is. When a rag isn't handy, you can "diddle" your dipstick, by moving it rapidly back and forth, to remove the excess oil. Next time you're at a dinner party, you can entertain your guests by discussing how much trouble you had the last time you diddled your dipstick.
"Dip Your Wick"
But wait, you're saying... this one is way too easy. And it is, kind of. The obvious explanation is that the wick is a penis, and you're dipping it into a vagina. But its HISTORY is in 
candle making. Before mass production, candles were made by hand, either from tallow or wax (with tallow being cheaper since beef fat was easier to come by). When making a tallow candle you had to dip the wick, merely a cord or string, into warmed and liquid tallow, then allow it to dry, usually by hanging it on a beam or rod. To make the work quicker and easier, the maker would often dip both ends of the wick. After a drying period, the wick was dipped again, then dried. This was repeated until the candle was of a desired thickness. (Wax candles were usually made of beeswax and thus rolled into a candle with the wick at the center.) Quite frankly, making candles has never really interested me. But dipping wicks always manages to grasp my attention.
What are your favorite euphemisms for sex? And do you know what they REALLY mean?
Oh my, I had no idea.
Posted by: Uncle Walter | 09/18/2009 at 01:37 PM
Man, I'm falling down on the job, then.
Posted by: The Queen of the Blog | 09/18/2009 at 01:48 PM
"junk in the trunk then being anal sex."
Babe whatcha doin with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk..
-Blackeyed Peas.
Posted by: Matt | 09/18/2009 at 02:26 PM
Either enjoying him/herself, or in a *lot* of pain.
Posted by: The Queen of the Blog | 09/18/2009 at 04:54 PM
Well, the song did say "All" that junk.
So either she was remarkably expandable or a vicious masochist.
(Hey, I've dated those..)
Posted by: Matt | 09/18/2009 at 06:28 PM
Remarkably expandable women, or vicious masochists? I've had two babies, and I'm still tight. I figure I fit into the 'a' catagory.
Posted by: The Queen of the Blog | 09/18/2009 at 08:53 PM
I've dated vicious masochists.
That liked lots of junk in the trunk.
And worse.
Posted by: Matt | 09/19/2009 at 04:22 PM
I had a Pap Smear at the Dr the other day, and hit hurt when he put that thing in to hold open my V walls. I think my V has shrunk and i'm a virgin again lol
Posted by: Olivia | 09/21/2009 at 04:19 AM
Matt, did you have lots of junk to PUT in the trunk?
Olivia, you're talking about the speculum. Yeah, those things are NOT fun. I do have to say that I no longer need the pediatric one, which is nice.
Posted by: The Queen of the Blog | 09/21/2009 at 06:42 AM
Ok, I must chime in, off comment topic, but back to the post. I heard the phrase "toss my salad". Care to enlighten?
Posted by: Uncle Walter | 09/21/2009 at 08:21 AM
Sorry UW.
We'll behave.
Posted by: Matt | 09/21/2009 at 09:49 AM
Why? He and I have been together for nearly 12 years -- there is just no reason to behave anymore.
Posted by: The Queen of the Blog | 09/21/2009 at 11:26 AM
Besides, it's MY blog.
Posted by: The Queen of the Blog | 09/21/2009 at 11:26 AM
Yes, but I don't want to infect too many people with my weirdness.
Somebody might notice.
Posted by: Matt | 09/21/2009 at 08:56 PM
Not here, they won't. It'll be nice to have someone to deflect the odd looks, anyway.
Posted by: The Queen of the Blog | 09/21/2009 at 09:55 PM
Well, when put that way I can't argue with it.
Posted by: Matt | 09/22/2009 at 09:39 AM
If you did, you'd be wrong. :D
Posted by: The Queen of the Blog | 09/22/2009 at 11:25 AM