If You Disagree With Me, You're WRONG

Some new Toys... Thanks to a friend.

What do you think they are???

To give a better perspective, here are some new pictures.  That's a full sized CD with them.

Been having a hard time writing...

For some reason I've had blog-writer's block.  I have a couple of topics floating around in my head, but nothing that screams to me to do it.  I thought about writing up some really irritating thins, but then I'd just get more upset.  Soo... give me a bit more time.  I'll post something again soon.

How surgery effects your sex life -- or why the hell can't I get laid??

You'd think that the major surgery would be the worst part of all of this.  No... not really.  The hardest part is being horny and having no real good outlet.  Mobility is minimal, flexibility nil, and strenuous activity causes pain.  So what to do? Do you weather the pain?  Or do you wait and wait and wait, and get hornier and hornier and hornier, or do you try to convince him to do *something* damnit, since anything is better than nothing, or do you just give in and do it yourself, even though that won't feel as good?  There's no good answer.  But whatever the equivalent of "blue balls" is for a woman, I've got it.

Ironically, Uncle Walter is not averse to me taking some pleasure elsewhere, and I'm not averse to taking him up on that offer.  It's timing and location that are at play here.  *sigh*  Maybe I'll make the guy pay for the hotel room, and measure him before hand???

Sounds like a possible plan for me.  At least UW isn't left wanting.  I always take care of HIM.  Bending is possible.  :D

What is going on with Daniel Radcliffe's Penis???

Did something happen that I don't know about???  Suddenly I'm getting hundreds of hits a day, all about his penis!  I mean, it's a nice penis and all, but to go from about 10 hits a day on the topic to 100 hits a day on the topic is a BIT weird, don't you think?  I do.

This is what the big deal is about (after the jump, for those of you at work):

The Hospital Story Encore

As many of you know, my hetero-life-mate, Uncle Walter, recently had surgery.  It was unexpected and acute, and led to a 4 night hospital stay and many, many staples.  Thankfully he is home and healthy, barring some new scars.  For those of you wondering what they may look like, here you go (this is NOT Uncle Walter):
Uncle Walter is, naturally, a little shy about it, but that is what his scars look like now.  Because, rather than appendicitis, UW had something called "Meckel's Diverticulum."

This is a rare form of diverticulitis, affecting between 1 and 2 percent of the population, mostly male, and only 1-2 percent of THOSE 1-2 percent, suffer the pains that UW did.  We always knew that UW was a rare breed.  This is just one more sign of that.  Or of the Apocalypse.  We're not sure.  Maybe both.  Either way, it's something they weren't expecting.  All the symptoms present as appendicitis.

After a round-about path, we arrived at the hospital.  Holy Cross is a catholic hospital.  This means that they won't perform sterilization procedures, and that there is mass held in the mornings, and prayers announced twice a day.  Otherwise, it's just a hospital.  It is neither a great hospital, nor a terrible one.  However, it is similar to all others in many ways.

First, let me just say: when you go to the Emergency Department (what they prefer to be called, since they're more than one "room"), unless you are actively dying (and sometimes not even then), you will be kept waiting.  Why?  Because morons will be there.  People who do not understand that a stuffed nose is not an emergency, even if it IS your kid that's suffering it.  For what it's worth, nearly every time anyone in my family has gone to the emergency department, we've been admitted for at least 3 days.  We don't bullshit about it.  So the morons make it so that all of the REAL patients have to wait.  Rule of advice, people!  If you have time to do your makeup and hair before you go to the ED, you should NOT be at the ED.  You're causing a delay to people who are in pain!  Selfish bastards.

Anyway, after 3 or so hours, we're finally brought into the back.  For blood work.  Even though he'd HAD blood work when we went to the Kaiser Permanente offices for urgent care.  For an HMO, Kaiser really isn't bad.   While they have a limited scope of care available in their private facilities, they are quick to send you where you need to go, and often have services available that prevent you from having to go to the hospital in the first place.  If you're dehydrated you can get IV fluids.  If you break your arm, you can get a cast.  Unlike going to most EDs, which will only give you a temporary cast.  Also, the BS at the hospital, where they didn't bother noticing that UW had already had blood work, that wouldn't have happened with their connected computers that give the doctors easy and ready access to the patient's records.  Definitely a nice benefit.

Finally, they take UW back to a bed, and a doctor examines him.  Diagnosis: Appendicitis.  At the time, this was a reasonable explanation.  The symptoms were text-book, and, as the Dr. said, there aren't a whole lot of options for pain on that side of a man's body.  So when they asked whether he wanted surgery right away, given the terrible pain he was in, we weren't about to delay and risk a rupture.  The ED doctors were all nice, and funny, and laughed along with us (our coping mechanism).  I should have known that there would be problems with the surgeon when he exhibited no sense of humor.

So about 1 hour from being seen in the ED, UW was being prepped for surgery (approximately 12 a.m.).  We are informed that the surgery is expected to take about 1 1/2 hours, barring any complications, and that it was to be attempted laparoscopically.  2 hours later, a nurse finds me in the lobby to inform me of the following:

He's okay, but the surgery was more complicated than we expected and didn't go quite as planned.  Holy Crap!  What does that mean???  But the nurse won't explain.  I have to wait for the doctor.  So I wait.  And wait.  And Wait.  AN HOUR AND TEN MINUTES LATER, I have to CALL to find out what's going on.  I am told that "he's awake, but we're stabalizing him."  Again, HOLY SHIT.  Why does he need to be stabalized??  But the doctor is writing his REPORT???  They asked if I wanted to be put through to him on the phone, or to talk to him in person.  Naturally, given he was too busy writing a fucking report to talk to me, I chose in person.

Out comes our *cough cough* doctor.  Who is belligerant and rude from the outset.  Even after I explain what the stupid fucking nurse said, he thinks that *I* am overreacting.  He is condescending and rude, and wouldn't tell me what the fuck was going on until I let him give me a lecture.  By the end I'm literally begging "JUST TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!"  Long story short, he says "it wasn't appendicitis."  Then he goes on to explain what diverticulitus is.  I finally got to interject and let him know that I understood that, and even grasped the concept of Meckel's Diverticulum.  Anyway, at one point he tells me they found the problem AFTER they removed his appendix.  Alarm bells, people!  Me: "Why did you remove his appendix if it was perfectly healthy?"  Him: "Because it was inflamed."  Me: "But you said he didn't have appendicitis." Him: "he didn't."  Me: "Isn't appendicitis when the appendix is inflamed?" Him: "yes."  Please, someone, explain this to me in a way that doesn't scream: "We removed a perfectly healthy organ because we didn't bother to look before we cut!"  Let me tell you, I just want to sue on principle alone!  I cannot begin to explain how angry I got when he said "On the plus side, he'll never have any problems with his appendix in the future.  And it's unnecessary, anyway."  OMG, I could have hit the man.  I may develop kidney problems in the future!  Let's remove one just in case!

Finally, at 4:30 a.m. on Tuesday morning, we go up to a room.  We're sharing said room with a very old, very skinny, very scenile man.  Who is practically screaming, repeatedly, for CANDY!  I happened to have a bag of Starbursts.  So I asked the nurse "do you want me to just give him some to shut him up??"  She nods yes, so I put a handful on his table.  At least the nurse didn't tell on me when they were chastizing him about it the next day.  Turns out the guy was diabetic.  Ooops.  Apparently I could have killed him.  Thankfully I didn't.  Would have ruined UW's streak.  Unlike me, none of his roommates have died.  Me?  Of my 3 hospital stays, 2 of my roommates have died.  Guys, don't ever share a room with me at a hospital.  Your odds are NOT good.  At ALL.

It's time for drugs...

Today's the day that I get to lay in a hospital bed and get pumped full of drugs, intravenously.  Fun fun!

The infusion itself takes about 3 hours, but they pump me so full of antihistamines and drugs that I'm wiped out for about 2 hours after.

I could resent the amount of time I spend strapped to a bed (especially since it's not the way I *want* to be strapped to a bed!), but mostly I'm just glad that it makes me better.

The drug I get is just shy of being a chemotherapy drug and as my nearly-waist length hair can testify, doesn't have the same side effects.  The only real side effects are feeling completely exhausted for about 1 full day.

The one thing that the experience does is forces me to stop, to rest, and to get a few hours away from the kids.  All of which is very important.  The fact that it makes me feel better is just an added bonus.  :) 

What being at the hospital has taught me...

1) Hospital rooms do not look like this:  They look like this:
             

2) When you need something, if you do not have a loving wife there to do it for you, you are at the mercy of your nurse's call button. 

3) You will push this button approximately 12 times before your nurse will do something like, oh, say changing out an empty IV bag.  Want something like ice water?  Without a sla-- I mean wife there to help you, you will be mummified from dehydration before you will get a refill.

Your nurses aren't *trying* to be mean, but they have 10 other patients, all with varying degrees of needs.  I mean, do they need to get you some more jello, or do they need to change out your roommate's catheter bag??  I know which one I would PREFER.  Ever seen pink pee?  Eeeew.  At least that's better than old men crapping their pants or screaming for candy at 4 in the morning.

4) You will try to watch TV.  There will be approximately 5 channels.  One will give you information about the hospital (or a picture of the chapel depending on which hospital you'e in), and one will be in spanish.  The rest will carry nothing but horrifyingly bad shows or movies (like Jackie Chan's "Who Am I?" -- terrible movie.

Sometimes you can get a decent tv itself, but most of the time they're old, crappy tvs that you can't even use a proper remote with.  Controls for which are usually on your nurse's call button.

5) If you're lucky, your surgeon/doctor will know what they're doing.  More likely, though, you will wind up with this:
Even more likely, though, he'll just be a regular old butcher and, as they are wont to do, remove perfectly healthy organs...  Because: "At least now you'll never have to worry" about it "giving you problems in the future."

That's a great reason for surgery, isn't it?  Especially when, after said unnecessary organ removal, they''ll then FIND the real problem, so you're stuck without an organ because they're too stupid to know what they're doing.

Remember what I said before...  What do you call someone who graduates last in their class from medical school?  Doctor.

And finally (after the jump, because it might not be work-safe), there is this to remember:

Sprung is in the air and I'm in love...

My h-l-m (hetero-life-mate, aka Uncle Walter), is going to go home today!  Yay!  We've both been at the hospital since Monday.  He with an IV and staples, me with a fold out chair for a bed and slave duty.  It's been a LOooooong 4 days and we're both ready for some normalcy; not to mention our comfy bed.

Thanks, everyone, for all the well wishes.  Can't wait to have him back, and the Spawn will be much happier. 

It's really sad...

When you start dozing off while you're sitting... and then you start to drool all over yourself.  *sigh*  Must remember to lay down.

No, I'm damned well NOT having a good day!

I realize that it's a bit of a habit in our culture, but why do people insist on asking how I am doing???  My hetero-life-mate, Uncle Walter just had major abdominal surgery and is still in the hospital.  I have been asked, by everyone from phlebotomist to surgeon, "How are you doing?"  Well, how the hell do you THINK I'm doing???  The person I adore is being cut open by jerks who don't seem to know what they're doing, and I'm awfully damned stressed!
All they want you to do is this: And all I wanna do is this:

There comes a time when we've got to BREAK a habit because it's wrong and not worth continuing.  This is one of those types of things.  There is a time and a place to ask "how are you doing" or say "have a nice day."  The hospital is not one of those times.

Sometimes politeness is overrated.   If you're going to say something stupid, how about just shutting the fuck up???