I'm an opinionated chronic insomniac. I have a lot to say, although not all of it is worth saying, necessarily. But I can pretty much guarantee it will be INTERESTING. You will find the truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUT the truth... Jennifer style
My favorite "hero" from a book is a slightly-built man with shiny, VERY light, blonde hair. Since it's a book and not a movie, I wanted to get a better "feel" for what he looked like (and probably drool a bit if I could find one that looked like him). When I do search, I find a few blonde men, but they're all fairly dark blonde. When I look for "pale" and "light" blonde, what do I get (to the exclusion of almost everything else)???? A white supremecy site and Draco Malfoy! C'mon people! Are there really no pictures of men with pale-blonde hair? Why??
In all fairness, on the white supremecy site (bear with me here), there WAS a picture of a very nice looking blonde man, an athlete from the olympics (I think he was from finland). While trying to find the picture, I noticed some of the comments, which is what finally tipped me off. I saw an incredibly racist statement, and couldn't believe that the person wasn't called on it! Until I noticed that the person's user name included KKK. Well, yes, that would explain it. So now I don't even want to go back to that site to see the picture of the good looking blonde man, 'cause it makes me feel a bit yucky. In the meantime, I'm still trying to find a picture that fits.
So, does anyone know where a picture of a gorgeous pale-blonde haired man is? The hero in the book gives me heart palpatations.
While not my absolute favorite band, Moxy Fruvous is at least ONE of my favorites. Their songs are fun, funny, and insightful. They have some that are pure fluff (King of Spain, anyone), and others that are deeply meaningful and touching (The Drinking Song, whose meaning belies the name).
Few bands can carry such depth to them while being fun and peppy, too. If recollection serves they haven't made an album in 9 years. I suppose that's a good testament to their longevity.
So yeah, Michael Jackson is dead. But the truly sad news is completely ignored.
Apparently Uncle Walter gets a bit embarrassed about having to tell people that my blog wasn't work-safe anymore. So I figured I'd post something else, even though I don't really have anything to say...
Did you know that people will spam blogs? They try to post in the comments section, but the filter picks it up. Wanna see some of it? It's kind of funny!
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There are more, but the rest are all the same. It's somewhat informative to see what people decide to spam with. My favorites are the ones that are much like poetry. It makes them interesting, at least!
Lord only knows why I'm particularly curious, but I'll just blame it on the fact that it's 5:30 a.m. and I haven't slept yet. But...
I got to thinking about Daniel Radcliffe's penis. I've found a couple of pics that show him intact (yummy!), but one photo I saw clearly could easily be retouched. I can't find other full frontal shots, so I'm suspicious.
If you look at the professional shot, he's rather nicely endowed. If you look at the stage shot, he's got a turtle playing hide and seek, and his sack outshines the pole. Does anyone have any nudie shots of him?
Really. I've seen a plethora of them lately (and yes, El Guapo, I do know what a plethora is). Shall I list some of them?
On a fun new website I recently found (www.ugliesttattoos.com), a man got a cover-up of a tattoo of the name "Lori" -- with "slut" written over it in red, as if it were a stamp (like "denied" on a parolee's application). The word is CLEARLY Lori, with a heart used to dot the i. Yet some people are quite adamant that it says "Lou". First, do they really not know how to write in cursive? Second, if they just LOOK at the damned thing they'll see that there's obviously more letters (including that stupid heart). Why argue so passionately that it's something that it clearly isn't? Ugh the stupidity.
Today, while driving to IKEA, I was exiting the beltway. For those of you unfamiliar with the DC beltway, you either drive carefully (and somewhat agressively) or you have an accident. That's about all there is to it. It was necessary for me to cross 3 lanes of traffic to reach the left turn lane. There is, in fact, a merge lane, however it is for those who are MERGING. Get it? It's for actually making it into traffic. NOT to cross several lanes. But the stupid fucking morons behind me were so eager to make it into the stop and go fray that they passed me, on the left, at the exit ramp... When had they waited LESS than a minute longer, they would have been able to merge safely and legally behind me, into the lanes of their choosing. I'm all for driving aggressively when necessary, but the traffic stopped as soon as the other light changed. Why would these idiots decide to jumpt the gun and risk their necks to save literally less than 60 seconds? Darwin, where are you when we need you? It would have been terribly annoying to have gotten caught behind them in an accident, but at least there would be some divine justice in that.
Why was I driving to IKEA? Because a big honking tree fell in our yard, and our bedroom window is no longer blocked and thus I needed more opaque curtains, lest people driving by be able to peek in. I am cheap. I am not going to spend a lot of money on curtains for a room that only my family sees. That's not the moronic part. The moronic part is the "tree experts" who have expressed an interest in being hired to do the work necessary after a 150+ foot oak tree falls. If you are SO desperate for work, it's really not a good idea to overbid by THOUSANDS of dollars, then to tell us that you will give us a kick-back if we hire you through our homeowner's insurance. Uh... not.
These are little annoyances, true. But I don't sleep, you see, so I get more than irritated at the idiocy. I have no patience for morons. Can't we just kill them off? It would make the world a much nicer place.
My sleep has been completely messed up lately. Slept forever on Sunday, then decided to stay up all night Sunday night so that I could sleep on Monday night. Was up until something like 12:30 Monday night and got up normally on Tuesday. Passed out at about 6:30 Tuesday night, then could NOT wake up today. Poor kids were SO good with entertaining themselves and not destroying things while I slept. And so here it is, 4 a.m. on now Wednesday morning, and I'm still awake! *sigh*
Not only can't I sleep properly, but I feel awful. I hurt all over, my head hurts, and I'm achy. Maybe it's swine flu???? I'm going in to the doctor next week if it doesn't get better soon damnit. I can't live like this. Pain is bad enough, and I'm used to having insomnia in general, but this goes waaay beyond that. UGH.
You pay $15 bucks, and what do you get? (sang to the tune of 16 Tons)
I know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway
Oh, did I leave off a word? Sorry about that, I meant that I know every crack HO.
Where hustle's the name of the game
That's USUALLY the game that streetwalkers play, yeah.
And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain
'Cause who wants to leave that mess on you when you're done, even if they ARE clean?
There's been a load of compromisin'
Well, there's certainly been a load of SOMETHING, that's for sure.
On the road to my horizon
Heading West...
But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me
To the clinic to get my monthly check...
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Wearing shiny clothes DOES help attract the customers...
Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo
When you're riding on top, sometimes they buck...
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Getting cards and letters from people I don't even know
Rarely does a hooker get to know their johns in more than the most physical yet superficial way, but sometimes you get "fans" and they write you notes.
And offers comin' over the phone
If you're lucky enough to be an "escort" rather than a streetwalker. Movin' on up!
Well, I really don't mind the rain
Washes away the stank.
And a smile can hide all the pain
Grin and bear it, especially when you're a bottom
But you're down when you're ridin' the train that's takin' the long way
Do I REALLY need to explain this? You know, when you're DOWN? RIDING that... ahem... TRAIN... The LONG way, if you're lucky -- unless you're a bottom of course. Then shorter tends to be better.
And I dream of the things I'll do
The monotony of work does that to you sometimes
With a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe
The outfits one wears to streetwalk doesn't really lend itself to pockets, and the subway is usually the quickest way back to the pimp's pad
There'll be a load of compromisin'
Well, they'll certainly be a load of SOMETHIN', won't there? Call it compromising if you want, I suppose
On the road to my horizon
Headin' west again...
But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me
For that monthly clinic check!
((chorus))
((Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo))
FADE
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Gettin' card and letters from people I don't even know
I've worked hard to get to the escort side, getting calls instead of hookin' to nasty drive-by johns with dirty cars and bj's on the side of the grocery store.
Sometimes you hear something so absurd that it's almost sad.
Today I was at a Baskin Robbins buying an ice cream cone for my son. There was a woman there who had clearly been there for quite some time. She was purchasing an ice-cream cake which was in the process of having "Happy Birthday" written on it.
Woman was probably in her late 50's (though trying very hard to look younger), in very fashionable, but all black clothes. She talked incessantly about the cake, asking repeatedly whether she'd tried one flavor or another (apparently she'd sampled the ice cream from EACH cake). Then, practically out of nowhere, she said (in a jocular manner) "can I have a free ice cream cone while I'm waiting?"
The clerk just laughed it off, thinking that the woman was making a joke. Then she asked again, with an additional comment: "Can I have a free ice cream cone? My husband just died?" What exactly does a dead husband have to do with ice cream? Oh well. We're still not done.
The clerk expressed sympathy but didn't adress the "free ice cream" question. Then the woman went on to say that she was having a terrible day, and that her husband just died. Finally, out of sheer curiosity, I put a rather startled expression on my face and said "Today?!?!" She looked at me strangely and said "no, in April".
Okay, I'm all for givning recent widows a break, but does a death from April really warrant a free ice cream cone? ESPECIALLY after having consumed almost a cone's worth of ice cream in samples??
So finally she's getting ready to check out. And wants to write a check! *smacking forehead here* Please remember that my son and I are watching this while we're standing around for close to 10 minutes just waiting to be helped.
The lady FINALLY left, but I couldn't help tweaking the clerk about it. After she helped us and I was handing her the money to check out, I said: "Can *I* have a free ice cream cone?? My cat died 2 years ago!" First laugh I'd heard her give.
Remember, people, if you're going to try to play up on the sumpathies of someone in order to finagle free service or products, just remember that there usually someone like me there -- watching and laughing.
Just in case you haven't had enough yet, I'm going to break down another song for you. Uncle Walter got me hooked on this, and I'm actually having some fun with it, so I ask that you humor me.
Faithfully by Journey
Highway run
In a desperate attempt to slim down from a six lane to a four lane
into the midnight sun
Okay, who's the jerk who changed my clock???
Wheels go round and round
Thank you, Mr. State the Obvious
You're on my mind
Ow! Please get off! You're rather heavy!
Restless hearts
And you thought Idle Hands were bad.
sleep alone tonight
Duh! Who can sleep with all that noise? Thump-Thump--Thump-Thump all dang night. Soooo annoying.
Sending all my love along the wire
Love by fax machine
They say that the road
ain't no place to start a family
Damned straight, that sort of behavior belongs in the bedroom! Besides, think of the risks. And the children! We must never forget the children!
Right down the line it's been you and me
I hate those sobriety checks they make you take when you're caught having sex in the middle of the road.
And loving a music man
ain't always what it's supposed to be
Shi-poo-pi, shi-poo-pi... If a woman who'll kiss on the very first date is usually a hussy, what do you call a woman who will make a family in the middle of the road???
Girl
you stand by me
And maybe we can find a dead body... like those kids...
I'm forever yours
That's right, bitch, you're NEVER getting rid of me.
faithfully
'Cause if I ever catch you with another man, I'm going to slit you from ear to ear. You'll look like a clown.
Circus life under the big top world
Won't be all that fun, even with the clown grin.
We all need the clowns to make us laugh
Trust me, we'll ALL be laughing at you. I mean, you probably make BALLOON ANIMALS.
Through space and time
Time traveling carnies
Always another show
The repetition... the greasepaint... the balloon animals... the horror... OH the MONOTONY!
Wondering where I am
Remember that guy who reset my clock? He stole my compass, too!
lost without you
You ALWAYS remember where we park. Better than a key-less remote!
And being apart ain't easy on this love affair
You see, sex usually involves two people actually having physical contact with each other (road optional)
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
Strangers usually don't do anything twice, otherwise they wouldn't be strangers. Pesky definitions, you know.
I get the joy of rediscovering you
I've got that "50 First Dates" disease
Oh girl
you stand by me
And I won't be afraid, no Iiiiii won't be a-fraid, just as long as you stand, stand by me... SO DARLIN', DARLIN'... Oh, sorry, got carried away there.
I'm forever yours
faithfully
Oooo... the titulature line! Good for you!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh
Sorry, we ran out of ideas here, but the producers insisted that we had to say SOMETHING
faithfully
I'm still yours
I'm forever yours
Ever yours
faithfully
Mr. Repetitious AND Mr. State the Obvious. I bet you're a hit at parties, huh?
Every now and then there are songs that truly stick with you. The lyrics are imbedded in your brain and won't go away. The melody may be a peppy little thing, completely harmless, but then... well.. then you realize that you're SINGING this garbage, and you really start to LISTEN to it, not just hear it. You start to notice what it is that makes the lyrics awful... This is one of those songs. And it really is horrible, as you will see. So, for your reading consumption (I cannot claim it will be pleasure), here is:
Boys of Summer by Don Henley
Nobody on the road, nobody on the beach
OMG! I just stepped into the bomb shelter for a moment! How was I to know that they would drop the bombs at that precise instant, thus leaving the whole of the earth deserted except for me. Now I can finally read those books I've been wanting to... Or at least I no longer have an excuse to put off reading Outlander.
I feel it in the air, the summer's out of reach
The radiation has made the air a physical, tangible thing. Summer will never come, because the cloud of dust over the earth will plunge us into another ice age. At least I have all of those Outlander books to read.
Empty lake, empty streets, the sun goes down alone
Yep, still deserted. Yep, still only one sun.
I'm drivin' by your house, though I know you're not home
Because, like everyone else, you've been burnt to a crisp by the flames from the impact.
But I can see you, your brown skin shinin' in the sun
Oh wait! There you are! ...Slowly darkening.... as your flesh cooks... At least something smells good. Anyone getting hungry?
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
Well, it was combed back. Now it's falling off. And your sunglasses have become fused to your face. But you're still beautiful to me. Or at least doable.
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
I see that there ARE some survivors (there go my plans for reading Outlander!), and they seem to be grabbing you... what are they... wait, are they... yes, yes I do believe... yes, they're eating you! But... you know what? I'll still love you, even then. After they've dessicated your corpse and left you a pile of bones, "I know that my heart will go oooooooooon!" Oh, sorry, wrong crappy song.
I never will forget those nights, I wonder if it was a dream
A nightmare, maybe. A desolate world is a pretty scary place!
Remember how you made me crazy?
Everytime I went near you I was overcome by radiation, slowly eating at my brain, making me insane.
Remember how I made you scream?
You didn't know about my sadistic tendencies, did you??
Now I don't understand what happened to our love
My irradiated brain is no longer able to comprehend reality.
But baby I'm gonna get you back
Even if it means trailing after those wolves to reclaim your corpse, my dear! I will stop at nothing. Ooo! A piece of candy! Wait... what was I doing again? Oooo! A piece of candy!
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of
My skin is now flaking off... Soon I will lose layer after layer of my body. Damn you! I was fine when I thought everyone was dead! I was going to read Outlander! Now look at me!
I can see you, your brown skin shinin' in the sun
Peeling off... Burning more and more...
I see you walkin' real slow and you're smilin' at everyone
The radiation has made fast movements impossible. The skin on your face has been stretched into a parody of a smile. You kinda look like the Joker. Or maybe a clown.
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
I'm fairly certain I absorbed less radiation than the rest of you, and thus ill outlast you.
Out on the road today I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac
Sorry, meant to say I saw a DEAD HEAD STUCK to a Cadillac
A little voice inside my head said
"Don't look back you can never look back"
Oh goody. Now I'm officially insane, voices and all.
I thought I knew what love was, what did I know?
I could have sworn that I had some knowledge before. Surely I did. WHAT DID I KNOW??? Why can't I remember???? Damned radiation.
Those days are gone forever, I should just let them go but
The world is coming to an end. I should simply accept that.
I can see you, your brown skin shinin' in the sun
I think you still have some skin left on your left leg.
You got that top pulled down and that radio on baby
I know your shirt has fused to your body -- that's why you really need to keep it on! And take that aluminum foil hat off! It is NOT an antennea, and those noises you hear are NOT from a radio station. I keep telling you, there IS no radio -- nearly everyone is dead!
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
I can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun
Yes, yes, we've been through this already...
You got that hair slicked back and those Wayfarers on, baby
Honey, you've got like 6 strands of hair. A combover will NOT help.
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone Yes, I will love even your rotting corpse, long after everyone else is dead from starvation or radiation poisoning. I will still have you, though... And maybe I'll actually make it through outlander...
So there you have it... I bet you didn't know this song was about a nuclear holocost, huh? What did you think it was about? A slut who screwed the entire baseball team, but he was going to wait for her anyway???
