Ever heard of Munchausen By Proxy? Munchausen By Proxy Info Basically, it's when someone (typically a mother) causes injury to someone else (typically their own child) in order to garner sympathy for themselves.
Well, I have an acquaintance that I suspect has some derivation of that, which I call "hypochondria by proxy". Before this woman had a child, she had many "health problems" that necessitated numerous (and I mean MANY) trips to doctors and hospitals and specialists, though rarely was anything shown to genuinely be wrong. All of her "illnesses" were symptom based, not provable. Coming from someone like me, who has so many damned things wrong with her, and doctors who are stumped, I can say with honesty that *I* didn't believe what she said was wrong with her.
So now she has a child. And now HER problems have almost "magically" disappeared (she still has SOME, of course, but they don't seem to require hospitalizations or doctors visits, or even medications any more!). However, her child, who ISN'T EVEN BIOLOGICALLY RELATED TO HER, has similar (even, in some cases, the exact same) problems, as well as others of her own. She's constantly being dragged to doctors and specialists. She's frequently in the hospital, despite there never being any evidence of the illnesses that the mother claims, and the issues are NEVER reproducible. Because of the mother's disclosures this poor child is on so many medications and is severely limited in her everyday activities based on these supposed illnesses. I've watched this child for YEARS, and I have personally seen NO evidence of what this mother claims, even when the mom says it is happening RIGHT THEN.
God, this has made me so sick! I am not friends with this woman any longer, I can't bring myself to even talk to her, because I know that I am going to lose it if I do. I'm unsure whether it's serious enough to call Child Services. I don't believe the mother is CAUSING a problem with her child (I don't think, for example, that she's poisoning her to make her ill). Quite frankly, I don't think anything's wrong with the child AT ALL. *Maybe* asthma, since a mutual friend has said she's seen wheezing. But anything else? I don't think any of the rest of it is true. But I do think that making this child take so many medications, that making her go to so many doctors and spend so much time in the hospital, is abusive. I am disgusted by these doctors that base their decisions solely on what the mother discloses. How can they not question it when they look at this child's medical records?
I know, based on what the mother claims, that she frequently changes doctors and goes to specialist after specialist until one is willing to give the diagnosis that she wants. What prompted this most recent anger on my part? Now, OF COURSE, she believes her daughter has "Swine Flu". Knowing her, what will happen is that she will go to doctor after doctor after doctor until she gets to one (weeks from now) who is willing to say that MAYBE she had it (because at that point, it will be past any visible symptoms and the doctor will have to rely on what is being said). THEN the mother will be satisfied, and maybe the poor child will be cut a break.
Maybe you think that, as an outsider, I just don't know what is really going on, especially since I don't really interact with her anymore. Well, this is a child that supposedly needed to eat every 2 hours because she would start behaving badly; needed to take like 6 different meds from the time she was 3 because of "ADHD"; needed to have inhaler treatments several times a day because of her "asthma". She started kindergarten this year. Despite all of these issues, she doesn't have ANY of these problems at school! None of the teachers have seen evidence of ADHD (despite the mother's claim that the meds aren't working). She eats, along with the rest of the class, at lunch and snack and is very well behaved the rest of the time. She has never had an asthma attack at school. Don't you think that if she were in the least bit disruptive, that the teachers would jump on the chance to "fix" it with the resources the mother has made available to them? Instead, while she's at school during the day there are NO problems; only when she comes home. I can't imagine what the mother will do next now that she has nothing else to focus on all day. She doesn't work, she doesn't cook, she doesn't really clean -- I have no idea how she spends those hours.
So at what point do I say that I can't watch this happen any more? At what point do I say that this has crossed over into abuse and that the kid needs help? For those of us who have genuine health problems (even ones that we don't know the cause of), it's completely insulting and horrifying. For those whose children have real health/behavioral problems, it must feel even worse. I am completely conflicted, as I have been for years, about how to deal with this woman. I wish I felt more confident that it was a clear case of abuse. I don't know how much more I can stand to see/hear without reporting her. It sickens me to see what's going on.